VENTING re: My Eye

Instead of venting to EVERYONE I meet or happens to catch me in a mood I'm just going to blog about it to get it off my chest.

As most of you know, I had 3 Retinal Detachments last year and 3 different variation of eye surgeries to fix it (Apparently, somehow God got distracted and put and 80 year old's eye in place of mine!)  The last of the 3 surgeries involved a Victrectomy with Silicone Oil, instead of the gas bubble, which they left in so that I wouldn't have to do what I had to do for the prior 2 surgeries which was laying down for 2 weeks (face down or on my side) for 99% of the time.  Which I'm thankful for since Jackson was only 2 weeks old. The side effect of the silicone oil is that when left it is usually causes a cataract.  Well..sure enough 4 months since my surgery the cataract is forming.   As if my vision for this eye wasn't bad enough after last years surgeries!  If you ever have a dirty or cloudy contact or wake up with sleep in your eye...its kind of like that, real blurry but ALL the time.  Good thing my other eye is corrected to 20/20 and no problems yet so I can see half well.

Again so I don't have to repeat OVER AND OVER AND OVER again what's next for me and my eye:
Next surgery will be this Spring/Summer and will involve taking out the silicone oil and where it has leaked, cleaning up the vitreous fluid, possibly victrectomy if the scar tissue continues and causes the retina to detach or start detaching again and also removing of the lens in my eye.  They will not implant a new lens at that time as they have to continue to watch the scar tissue and hope that more scar tissue does not form.  Hopefully the worst part will be having the lens out for 6+ months and just not being able to see at all during that time out of that eye.  If they have to do a victrectomy if the retina  has detached then I'm guessing another gas bubble is in my future and A LOT of time on my stomach for at least 2 weeks(yeah, with a 7-10month old), sounds fun.  
After living without a lens  for 6+ months and IF everything says ok with no further detachment or excessive vitreous fluid build up/leaking then I'll have a lens implant put in and back to "normal".  This is the best case scenario if no further detachments develop and what I'm hoping for.  Not a lot to be positive about but bet case scenario so I'm holding on to that.  Just keep thinking to myself.."2 more surgeries, 2 more surgeries, just have to get through 2 more surgeries"

As a new mommy, I'm pretty emotional about this topic even if I haven't shared that with most of you when I try to maintain chipper!  It is starting to get in my way of taking Jackson out in the car.  Nighttime driving is getting difficult as well.  I'm also scared to death that I'm not going to be able to see all his new "firsts" as well as I'd like to.  His face is getting a little more blurry everyday, and it takes a lot to not cry about this. I know I have 1 eye that is good and I can just "close my bad eye" but its just not the same. Life is not perfect and God has a plan for us.  This is making me a stronger person but its hard to understand exactly why this is all happening.  I know it could be worse.  I have friends getting lumps removed from their breast, having tough and stressful pregnancies, family friends struggling with cancer, etc.  I am so very grateful for Jackson & Rob's health!  Rob and I definitely want another child but want to get these eye problems hopefully behind us before trying for #2.  This may drag out to be longer than I would've liked to wait but again we'll see what God has planned. 

I hope this isn't too Debbie Downer for everyone but I wanted to get it out and hopefully not continue to carry the weight of it all around me 24/7.  Thank you to my friends that have supported me thus far and who I know will continue to be there for me.